Sunday, August 23, 2015

Beauty in Disguise hate

Recently, I took my daughter to a local community ballet performance.  A friend's little girl was in the performance.  Growing up near New York City, I grew up attending professional ballets since I was young.  My father was a huge fan of Tchaikovsky and The Nutcracker Ballet was one he particularly thought it was important for us to enjoy.  Since then, I have been to several performances, both amateur and professional of varying levels of excellence across the country.

At this particular ballet, each age group of children had a dance to perform.  There were several accomplished teenaged ballerinas who were the stars of the show and carried the story line. The plot took place in a garden, and the flowers (fairies) and insects all had their part to play.  The story line took a twist when a couple of the older flowers found a bucket of dangerous poison and were entranced by it, ingested it and mutated into evil nightshades.  Their costumes changed into cool "comic book villain" garb and they proceeded to steal the prized monarch butterfly egg.  They also used a machine to produce "minions",of course, to aid them.  The perfomance was well done, it was enjoyable, the music was great and fit the scenes.  We even knew several of the other ballerinas, including one of my son's good friends who was a main character.

In the middle of the ballet, there was a dance which I had conflicted feelings about.  I am ashamed to admit that I had anything other than positive thoughts about it, and before you judge me, let me explain. And then I will explain the tension and how I see it all so differently now.

One group of dancers were children with disabilities.  They came out and danced with varying levels of competency.  Each of them had an accomplished ballerina to help them through the routine.

And this is what went through my mind.  The whole room was filled with emotion by this time.  Please read through the whole transformation of thought.  I was a little teary eyed with emotion as these thoughts went through my head and I tried to sort them.

1.  This was a well done, artistically beautiful ballet.  Not everyone can dance well.  It takes years of practice, determination, and talent to excell in the world of dance.
2.  Is this a sacrifice of beauty in an attempt to celebrate mediocrity in a way?
3.  Is this unfair to those disabled?  We all know stories of those who through diversity and disabilites pushed their bodies and their talents beyond what is natural to truly excel.  But these dancers, although doing the best they can, were not accomplished dancers.  They needed help to even jump across the stage.
4.  As an artist, and a person who studies classical art, I wondered if this is an undermining of the standard of beauty and excellence which art should achieve to.  Does it undermine the years of training that dancers go though to celebrate this?
5.  What an arrogant snob I am!  But isn't a high standard what all art should hold to?


The whole audience applauded louder and with more enthusiasm than I have ever seen at any stage performance.  Eyes teared up, and the whole sentiment of encouragement was incredible.

I felt guilty for my snobbish thoughts.  Here was a group of children who had so much against them, and instead of being ostracized and told they cannot do certain things, there was a provision made for them, and they worked hard to do what they could.  They were included into the community, trained, and given an opportunity to do something they dreamed of.

And then it all came to me.  Despite the meanness and hate that we all see in social media, we live in a society that embraces the downtrodden and weak.  And this is good!

And in spite of everyone idealizing ancient pre-christian societies, that throughout history it has been very different.  And in spite of the concept held by the culture that Christianity is backwards and keeps people 'down', it was the advent of Christianity spreading throughout the world that caused societies to embrace the sick, care for the weak, and lift them up.

Pre-christian societies would discard the babies who were born with deformities or weakness.  Recently we watched through the History Channel's Vikings.  Ragnar took his son who had twisted legs and was going to leave him in the forest to die.  This was common throughout the world.  It was a burden to have a weak child.  Life was hard for such a child, so in their minds it was practical and necessary to do so.  In addition, deformities would prevent them from being rulers, or even equal citizens in society.

Then came Christianity which taught "Let the children come to me" and  "Blessed are the weak".  When Jesus walked the earth, he paid more attention to the weak, the lame, the children, than the men in power.  He was pretty harsh towards the religious, pious leaders and chose to spend time with those of "less consequence".  As christianity spread, the followers of Jesus lived so differently than the other cultures.  In contrast to the commonly held thought that depict christianity as a religion which was responsible for wars, inquisition, and witch burnings, this is simply not true.  If you want to argue this with me, please pick up the book "Atheist Delusions ", the title is misleading.  It is not an attack on Atheism, or even a defense of Christianity.  It is a systematic defense of true history using primary sources and a broad look at history, and a debunking of a lot of myths that our society and culture blindly believes concerning the history of christianity.  Yes, whenever leaders used christianity as a chance to gain more political power, it was not pretty.  But generally, the christian culture itself was represented by the only people who would visit lepers, take care of those with the bubonic plague, and those who would take care of the poor.

This ballet demonstrates that, in our culture, the mindset and heart of the gospel is still at work. Even those who do not believe in God, are influenced by the cultural changes that Christianity brought.


Jesus would not worry about sacrificing the beauty of form by allowing these children by dancing.  He would have seen what they did as more beautiful than anything else.  And he would not see the arrogance of the professional artist as a thing of beauty.  This event has touched my heart.  It was beautiful not only to see these children aspiring to be part of the great dance of life, but to see the whole audience cheering and embracing the beauty of it.  

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Embracing Death and Suffering



Before I read the story of Brittany, a 29 year old woman, who is choosing to die on her own terms instead of facing a horrible death due to brain cancer, I had been thinking of the relationship between death and beauty.

What is beauty, anyway?  I recently met a woman who just had a facelift.  She was in her 80s and her skin was taut and shiny.  It is called plastic surgery for a reason.  She was a kind, sweet lady but I could not understand why she was running away from old age.  The surgery, in my opinion, did not make her look more beautiful.  It made her look younger, but also less human.  And I could not stop thinking about some old photographs of Native Americans I have in a book.
I am struck by the sheer beauty of the wrinkled faces in this book. Wrinkles which show the beauty of the sun, hard work, years of love, wisdom.  Wrinkles which show the journey from birth to death drawing to a close.  Wrinkles which hold the memories of pain and joy.

And yet, I am not excluded from the culture which causes women to strive to look a perpetual 18 years old.  Somehow the age decided upon for the epitome of sexual beauty.  Peering into the mirror, I scrutinize every line, including the lines which years of laughter have etched into my cheeks, with disdain.

I discuss this disdain our culture has for signs of age only to make a point of how we HAVE believed lies.  Lies that pain, old age and suffering are things we should avoid at all cost.  And I hesitate to say all this, for I do not know what suffering my life has in store.  What types of pain and suffering I will have to face.

But then I read this blog..http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/10/dear-brittany-why-we-dont-have-to-be-so-afraid-of-dying-suffering-that-we-choose-suicide/

It smacked me in the face with the Truth.  The Truth of suffering.  The Truth of death.  The Truth of what I actually believe.

Theologically, I do not believe all the tenets of the Catholic church, but throughout history, they have clung to the Beauty which is found in death and suffering.  The Beauty of Christ's suffering on the Cross.  The Truth of the meaning of the moment of Death that Christ faced.



In the Idiot, by Dostoevsky this is a main theme, and I am reading it now.  Hans Holbein's painting of Christ is discussed at length... the reaction of seeing the humanity of Christ, and the effects of torture and suffering and death...


Protestants typically veer away from images of Christ on the cross, tending to focus on the resurrection.  Partially because of the problem of painting a likeness of Christ which shows his Deity as well as his humanity.  I think it is due also to the fact that  the suffering of Christ was unavoidable,  and its difficult to focus on disagreeable part.   The happy coming back part is more comfortable.  This is not totally wrong, but the resurrection would never be possible if it were not for the dying.  Isn't it at the moment of death, and the beautiful (yes lets call it that) suffering that Death was defeated?  We still live in a broken world, yet for a christian, hope springs forth from the belief that death is temporal.  That death has no sting, and one day there will be no more death and suffering and sorrow.  And that is because Christ suffered and died.

And how does that make our suffering beautiful now, you might ask?  I read a Ted Dekker book several years ago,  Byzantium.  In this book, a group of pagan Vikings and their Irish monk slave (yes very similar to the show Vikings airing on the History channel now) are captured by Roman soldiers and are tortured in horrible ways.  Through the whole story, the monk becomes skeptical although had shared the christian faith with the vikings.  The Vikings through the suffering embraced Christianity and embraced the suffering.  They embraced the suffering because it allows them to feel closer to Christ and what he did for humanity.  It allowed them to understand, if only in a small way, what He felt and went through.  It made them a part of His suffering, and therefore was beautiful.

And how does this relate to the young girl with cancer who wants to bravely face death on her own terms by taking a pill to end her life?  Suffering is painful, it is difficult.  Why should she not avoid it?  I think the lady above in the blog which I linked makes a good argument, especially since she understands and has gone through the exact pain and suffering that Brittany will feel.

Suicide in today's culture is acceptable.  The threat of it among young people is used for attention, and as a tool to get love.  The reality of it is used far too often to end unbearable suffering of every kind.  As in the words of the the Prince from the Princess Bride, "Life is suffering.  Anyone who tells you differently is trying to sell you something."  But life is beautiful too.  Every part of it.  It is a gift beyond measure.  Every single breath.  Every single moment.  And we do not know how it will end for anyone.

Think of all the books and movies we love.  There is always a moment of certain failure.  Of certain death.  Of certain hopelessness.  And yet we continue to read and watch.  Why?  Because within the very core of our essences is a flicker of hope which never dies.  We not only want good to happen, for life and happiness to win, but we believe it deep down inside.  And yes, we know too many people who suffer and die too young, but we should never give up hope for a miracle, or even for a miracle of just a few more days, a few more breaths.  We are all dying.  None of us know the exact hour or day, but it is inevitable.  Lets not forget that every moment is beautiful and we need to embrace it in its fullness.  Both the pain and the joy.