Before I read the story of Brittany, a 29 year old woman, who is choosing to die on her own terms instead of facing a horrible death due to brain cancer, I had been thinking of the relationship between death and beauty.
What is beauty, anyway? I recently met a woman who just had a facelift. She was in her 80s and her skin was taut and shiny. It is called plastic surgery for a reason. She was a kind, sweet lady but I could not understand why she was running away from old age. The surgery, in my opinion, did not make her look more beautiful. It made her look younger, but also less human. And I could not stop thinking about some old photographs of Native Americans I have in a book.
And yet, I am not excluded from the culture which causes women to strive to look a perpetual 18 years old. Somehow the age decided upon for the epitome of sexual beauty. Peering into the mirror, I scrutinize every line, including the lines which years of laughter have etched into my cheeks, with disdain.
I discuss this disdain our culture has for signs of age only to make a point of how we HAVE believed lies. Lies that pain, old age and suffering are things we should avoid at all cost. And I hesitate to say all this, for I do not know what suffering my life has in store. What types of pain and suffering I will have to face.
But then I read this blog..http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/10/dear-brittany-why-we-dont-have-to-be-so-afraid-of-dying-suffering-that-we-choose-suicide/
It smacked me in the face with the Truth. The Truth of suffering. The Truth of death. The Truth of what I actually believe.
Theologically, I do not believe all the tenets of the Catholic church, but throughout history, they have clung to the Beauty which is found in death and suffering. The Beauty of Christ's suffering on the Cross. The Truth of the meaning of the moment of Death that Christ faced.
In the Idiot, by Dostoevsky this is a main theme, and I am reading it now. Hans Holbein's painting of Christ is discussed at length... the reaction of seeing the humanity of Christ, and the effects of torture and suffering and death...
Protestants typically veer away from images of Christ on the cross, tending to focus on the resurrection. Partially because of the problem of painting a likeness of Christ which shows his Deity as well as his humanity. I think it is due also to the fact that the suffering of Christ was unavoidable, and its difficult to focus on disagreeable part. The happy coming back part is more comfortable. This is not totally wrong, but the resurrection would never be possible if it were not for the dying. Isn't it at the moment of death, and the beautiful (yes lets call it that) suffering that Death was defeated? We still live in a broken world, yet for a christian, hope springs forth from the belief that death is temporal. That death has no sting, and one day there will be no more death and suffering and sorrow. And that is because Christ suffered and died.
And how does that make our suffering beautiful now, you might ask? I read a Ted Dekker book several years ago, Byzantium. In this book, a group of pagan Vikings and their Irish monk slave (yes very similar to the show Vikings airing on the History channel now) are captured by Roman soldiers and are tortured in horrible ways. Through the whole story, the monk becomes skeptical although had shared the christian faith with the vikings. The Vikings through the suffering embraced Christianity and embraced the suffering. They embraced the suffering because it allows them to feel closer to Christ and what he did for humanity. It allowed them to understand, if only in a small way, what He felt and went through. It made them a part of His suffering, and therefore was beautiful.
And how does this relate to the young girl with cancer who wants to bravely face death on her own terms by taking a pill to end her life? Suffering is painful, it is difficult. Why should she not avoid it? I think the lady above in the blog which I linked makes a good argument, especially since she understands and has gone through the exact pain and suffering that Brittany will feel.
Suicide in today's culture is acceptable. The threat of it among young people is used for attention, and as a tool to get love. The reality of it is used far too often to end unbearable suffering of every kind. As in the words of the the Prince from the Princess Bride, "Life is suffering. Anyone who tells you differently is trying to sell you something." But life is beautiful too. Every part of it. It is a gift beyond measure. Every single breath. Every single moment. And we do not know how it will end for anyone.
Think of all the books and movies we love. There is always a moment of certain failure. Of certain death. Of certain hopelessness. And yet we continue to read and watch. Why? Because within the very core of our essences is a flicker of hope which never dies. We not only want good to happen, for life and happiness to win, but we believe it deep down inside. And yes, we know too many people who suffer and die too young, but we should never give up hope for a miracle, or even for a miracle of just a few more days, a few more breaths. We are all dying. None of us know the exact hour or day, but it is inevitable. Lets not forget that every moment is beautiful and we need to embrace it in its fullness. Both the pain and the joy.
